Only you
by ruby-may89
Summary: Santana hasn't seen Brittany for 4 years. Not since she left for MIT, so what happens when Britt turns up at her apartment with a baby? Canon up until the end of season 4. Angsty at times but hopefully not overly so. Rated M just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: Hey guys this is my first story after reading a lot of Brittana fics so please be kind! **

**First massive thanks to Hlnwst for BETA'ing even though she is super busy, much appreciated :)**

**Second Fanwriting thanks to you too! If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have even started writing let alone post something so thanks and thanks for the poster too :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee!**

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**Chapter 1:**

_The echoes of my black heels surround me in the auditorium where I've had so many life altering moments. I feel so comfortable here, but as I walk over to the stage to…her, I feel like this is another one of those moments. My heart is slowly breaking because I know this is it, this is the end for me and her. I can't even bring myself to speak out loud I just try my best to smile and offer her my hand, pull her up and embrace her. "I'm really going to miss you," she whispers as we leave the stage for the last time as a two-shot.  
_

That was four years ago, I can't help thinking back to that day when we said our goodbyes before she went off to MIT and I returned back to chasing my dreams in New York. I haven't seen Britt since that day and I usually try really hard not to think about her at all because of the pain I feel every time I let myself remember. Eventually, over the years, the pain dulled to a constant yet manageable ache. I'm only allowing myself to remember her now because it's my birthday. Today I turn 23 and as a present to myself, I am allowed to remember. Her bright blue eyes that were clearer than any ocean, her beautiful blonde hair that was as soft as silk and God, her smile - the smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. After all, it managed to melt mine. We used to spend every birthday together, whether it be when we were young and having sleepovers, enjoying 'sweet lady kisses'. Or sneaking in to bars with our fake ID's and dancing the night away whilst flirting with guys to get our drinks, finishing the night in one of our beds entwined in every way possible - limbs, hearts and souls.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't have other people to celebrate my birthday with. I would just pick to spend it with Brittany every. Single. Time. Living in New York all this time, I finally discovered my dream. I became a songwriter after debuting some of my songs at open mic nights around NYC I eventually got noticed by a producer from Sony. Rachel and Kurt were so happy for me and, of course, were both eager to offer me their expertise which I obviously declined. I mean, I am Santana freaking Lopez. I don't need anyone's help. Besides, Rachel was busy with Broadway and Kurt was no longer interning at Vogue, but was actually on Isabelle's pay roll doing something fashion related. I didn't really pay attention when he told me his new position. Turns out, I could actually delve deeper in to my feelings than I managed with my original song _Trouty Mouth. _After two years or so, I was finally earning a decent amount of money and becoming quite successful so I decided to move out and stand on my own two feet without Thing One and Thing Two. The send off they gave me was, understandably, the emotional extravaganza of the year. You wouldn't expect anything less coming from the two most dramatic people in history and I may have even shed a tear when it came to leaving, but I stand by the story that I had something in my eye.

So this brings me to the present, sitting here by myself on my huge comfy sofa that I literally sink into. Having money to spend on nice things is awesome and my sofa is definitely one of my more expensive indulgences. I had offers from the deadly duo and friends from work but my schedule has been so hectic that I really needed to take a day to relax before things get busy again. This has led me to watching _Sweet Valley High,_ cuddled into my Snuggie and reminiscing about the good old days with her. Even though I am now successful, living the dream she always wanted for me, I still feel unfulfilled, like something is missing. I am not the scared little girl anymore who would deny these feelings. I've matured into a young adult now and I need to face my feelings head on. I miss her. She is the missing piece to my puzzle, my ying to her yang, just my…everything. Breaking up with her was without a doubt the most stupid thing I have ever done in my life and that is no easy feat to accomplish because I have done some incredibly stupid stuff, mostly involving how I denied Britt or pretended I was straight and used Karofsky as my beard - one word _gross_. But indeed, breaking up with Britt - by song no less - because of an "energy exchange"...I mean what the hell? Maybe I should have pleaded temporary insanity. That is the only possible explanation I have come up with over the years.

I finally get broken from my depressing inner musings by the message tone on my phone. _Who runs the world? Girls! _I cut it off as quickly as I can. Definitely not what I needed to hear today.

Thing 1: Santana are you sure you do not want to celebrate your birthday with Kurt and me? We will have a Barbra movie marathon!

Santana: Yes Berry I'm sure I would rather watch paint dry.

Thing 1: Ok Santana have it your way, enjoy the rest of your day

Rachel will never fail to surprise me, always being so nice even if I am down right rude to her. It's nice to know some people are actually willing to put up with my bitchiness or more, they really know it's just a stupid defence mechanism. Maybe I haven't matured as much as I thought. Once again, I am brought out of my thoughts by a quiet, hesitant knock on my apartment door. Brow furrowed, I contemplate who it could possibly be and how they got up without me buzzing them in? But I hear the knock again and let out a loud groan as I pry myself out of my Snuggie and roll to the end of the sofa before I can push myself up. With a gargantuan effort, I stand smooth out my pyjamas and grumble to myself whilst walking to the door. I hear the knock again before I have chance to answer it. "Alright, I'm coming! Calm your tits!" I shout, severely unhappy at being disrupted from my quiet time.

Eventually, after what feels like a lifetime, when really is (it's) only a few seconds, I reach my apartment door ready to unleash Snixx on whoever has the nerve to disturb me. As soon as I jerk open the door, I feel a chill run through my whole body and the breath stripped from my lungs so fast I feel like my knees are about to give way. Standing there in front of me is Brittany, but it's not my Brittany. This girl in front of me doesn't have that innocent aura around her, her earth shattering smile isn't present, the blonde hair looks dull and lifeless and her eyes... I feel my heart break again trying to look into her eyes. They aren't the clear blue I love so much, the eyes that haunt my dreams. They are stormy, full of pain, fear and hesitancy. But what's the most awkward is she is doing all she can to avoid any eye contact with me. Britt is nothing if not confident. She never avoids eye contact. It makes me feel sick looking at this version of Britt.

"Britt?" I breathe out to try to get her attention.

"Happy birthday, San," she whispers with a quiver in her voice.

"Uh..." I manage to get out before my attention is snapped from Britt's face and I finally take in all of her and that is when I am 100% sure I am going to pass out because in her arms, wrapped in a blanket, is a baby.

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**Final author's note: I know this was really short but it's just a prologue of sorts and to get me writing! Also a heads up Sam is NOT the Father nor will he even be in this story!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: ****Here's the next instalment, thanks to HLNWST for awesome BETA'ing :) **

**Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee**

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**Chapter 2:**

I have never been short of having something to say. I always have some witty retort or verbal tongue lashing at the ready. Hell, I even make my living using words to compose songs. But here, in this moment, the Santana Lopez is completely... speechless. I have only ever been completely speechless once before in my life and that was when the big oaf Finn had outed me in front of most of the school. It wasn't an easy task to render me speechless, but Britt had managed to achieve it in 2.5 seconds flat.

Luckily, Brittany and I have never really needed words to communicate. After what felt like hours, I finally manage to establish eye contact with her and silently ask the questions plaguing my mind. _What are you doing here? What happened? Are you ok?_ However, the pain and fear I could feel coming off Britt in waves effectively shut me up. The pain was so apparent in her eyes, I was forced to look away. It was too much for me to handle. Sweet, innocent Brittany, everything that is good in this miserable stinking world, should never look or feel scared. But more importantly, she should never feel like that around me. Brittany looked at me for a second longer and uses her innate ability to read me like an open book and make the first move.

"Can I, um, I mean can… uh… can we come in please?" she questions whilst trying to keep her voice level albeit rather unsuccessfully.

I snap out of my momentary stupor and nod vigorously, stepping to the side allowing entry for her and the baby.

"Just go through to the lounge and make yourself comfortable," I offer as gently as possible.

Brittany responds by offering me a slight smile in return, but it seems to take too much energy so she stops trying. Her focus comes to her rucksack lying by her feet and she goes to pick it up.

"Wait! I will get it, Britt. You…um…just go sit down, ok?" I urge quickly. I didn't want her to struggle while carrying a baby as well.

She just nods her head and slips past me. I can tell she is intentionally trying to avoid any contact and I, on the other hand, have to hold my breath. I can't have Brittany's essence distracting me; I need to keep a clear mind for whatever is coming next. Bending down to collect her rucksack, I notice how light it is; almost as if it's completely empty. I close the door quietly as to not scare Britt or risk waking the baby…God! Britt is in there with a freaking baby! What the hell am I supposed to do? I need to calm down. Something has happened to her. It doesn't take a genius for that to be figured out. She obviously came here for a reason and I need to be strong for her. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my ever growing anxiety and slowly release it before following Britt in to my lounge.

Entering the lounge, I can see Brittany sitting on the very edge of my sofa. Everything about her screams uncomfortable. I sit on the sofa but keep a safe distance. I really don't want to scare her off, but I'm just at a loss of how to offer her comfort without being able to touch her so I just sit there. I can't force her to talk and she can be more stubborn than me when she has her walls up. Baby steps are the key when Brittany is scared – well, at least that's how it used to be for us. I need to make her comfortable first.

"Do you want a drink or anything or do you need anything for…?" I trail off not knowing how to finish my question.

After a minute more of awkward silence she finally responds in a quiet timid voice, "She, it's a she, and no I don't need anything, thank you."

"What's her name?" I wonder aloud, hoping this is the right approach to get her to open up.

Unfortunately it seems to be the wrong thing to say because Brittany's bottom lip starts quivering at an uncontrollable rate and her eyes immediately fill with tears.

"Hey, shhh, B. Shhh, it's ok…" I shuffle a little bit closer trying to offer her some closeness.

"I, uh, I…I really fucked up, Santana."

My eyes widen in response at the language coming from her mouth. Brittany never curses. I can't even remember the last time I heard her say something like that!

"Hey, it's ok. I promise everything is going to be ok. I'm here, I got you. You don't have to tell me anything until you are ready, ok? Anything you need, all you have to do is ask," I tell her as calmly as possible, hoping some of it will transfer onto her.

I finally seem to get my point across. Taking a deep breath, she turns and looks at me with such pleading eyes. I can't help myself when I reach across to touch her arm and rub it soothingly. She seems to relax further at this and I offer her a smile and nod of my head to reaffirm my words.

"I need your help, Santana. I didn't know who else to come to. No, that's a lie. You're the only person I could come to. You're the only person I trust and you always knew how to fix everything. Please help me, Sant-uh…" Brittany trails off as she starts crying silently.

Screw keeping my distance. I immediately move and pull her into my shoulder and I let her cry at least some of her pain away. I just continue to try and hold her together as best as I can without knowing what the real problem is. I feel so fucking useless.

"It's ok, B. I am here for you. Whatever you need, I will help you."

Gently lifting her head from my shoulder, she looks all over my face but seems to be avoiding my eyes at all cost. This nervous side of her is really unsettling me.

"Can we, uh…can we stay here with you?" The look of shock on my face must alarm her because she quickly back pedals, "I mean, just for a couple of days? Please?"

She is practically begging me. I quickly overcome my shock and nod slowly with a hint of a smile. As if I would ever let her go anywhere else. Eventually gathering my senses, I manage to respond verbally for her, "Course you can stay, both of you. I'm here for you and I will help you with whatever you need, ok?"

Brittany looks like a huge weight has been lifted of her chest as she breathes out in relief and returns to laying her head on my shoulder. I smile happily. She seems to be a bit more comfortable around me, finally. I take this opportunity to finally look at the little girl in her arms, who seems oblivious to what is going on around her, far away in dreamland. Brittany is holding her tightly to her with both arms, like she is afraid of dropping her. Her head has a light covering of mousey brown hair, with a little button nose and cute rosy cheeks. She's all wrapped up protectively in a soft pink blanket. My breathe catches in my throat as she scrunches up her tiny nose and lets out a miniature yawn. That may have been the cutest thing I have ever witnessed and I tell Brittany as much.

"I don't know what I'm doing, San. I'm terrified. I'm homeless, jobless and I have a one-day-old baby girl. I know you must have so many questions, but I just can't answer them yet. I'm sorry. It just hurts too much to remember. Can you accept that and be patient with me?" she asks me softly.

Now the old Santana wouldn't have cared if it was painful to talk about, she wouldn't have cared if anybody's feelings got hurt while she was on one of her quests for the truth. But this isn't just anybody. This is her Brittany and this isn't high school anymore. This is real life.

"Of course, Britt. I meant it when I said – whatever you need."

My attention is again drawn to the little girl sitting in her arms as she starts to fuss. Her tiny eyes start to move under her eyelids. I feel like everything around me has stilled as I wait in sheer anticipation to see her eyes. I wonder if… My thoughts trail off as soon as I see them open for the first time. The brightest blue eyes are looking back at me and I think I've just fallen in love.

"B…" I breathe out, unable to form a coherent thought. "She-she is so beautiful. She has your eyes."

Brittany peers down, but doesn't seem to be experiencing the same joy as me and quickly looks up at me with that open fear again. She slowly moves her arms and the baby towards me, silently asking me to hold her. I hesitate at first. I'm not usually a baby person, but that quickly vanishes once I see her eyes looking innocently at me again. Carefully cradling her towards my chest, I feel a huge urge of protectiveness overwhelm me and I instantly know I will do anything for this little girl.

"Can I use your bathroom please?" Brittany asks, breaking me from my admiration of her daughter.

"Sure, it's just down the hall on your left, Britt."

Britt just gets up and leaves without another word. As soon as she leaves though, the young baby in my arms starts fussing a bit more persistently, so I instinctively start to quietly sing the first thing that comes to my mind.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star,  
how I wonder what you are!  
Up above the world so high,  
like a diamond in the sky!  
_

_When the blazing sun is gone,  
when he nothing shines upon,  
then you show your little light,  
twinkle, twinkle, all the night._

_Then the traveller in the dark,_  
_thanks you for your tiny spark,_  
_he could not see which way to go,_  
_if you did not twinkle so…_

I finish singing as I feel Brittany's presence I turn to see her standing in the doorway leaning against the wall, a calm smile on her face.

"Your singing always managed to calm me down I'm not surprised it works for her too," she states.

I look down to see the little girl has nodded back off to sleep. I smile, feeling a rush of happiness invade me. I pat the seat next to me, urging her to come and join us and she does so willingly this time. But then it suddenly seems to click in my head what Britt said earlier and the fact she only has an empty rucksack with her.

"Britt…?" I ask hesitantly. "Do you have any stuff at all for you or this little one?"

Britt looks away, shaking her head guiltily, her briefly acquired calmness quickly forgotten.

"Well, looks like a shopping trip is on the cards." I smile over at her trying to make her understand I'm not judging her.

"I don't have a car seat for her," is the only response I receive.

I open my mouth before I can stop myself, "I will go shopping and get whatever you need. You can stay here with her. I'm guessing she will need feeding soon anyway?"

I gently hand her over to Brittany without waiting for a reply and get up quickly, heading to the kitchen to get my purse. Walking back in the lounge I smile down at mother and daughter as Britt seems to be humming the same song I sang to her.

"I'm gonna go now, B. I'll be really quick, ok? Are you breastfeeding?" I ask somewhat awkwardly.

Receiving a nod in response, I breathe out the remaining awkwardness and just turn to leave. Stepping out of my apartment and closing my door I let myself fall back against it. Closing my eyes, I count to ten, trying to grasp a hold of the situation.

_What have I just gotten myself into?_

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**AN: The next chapter might take a bit longer than the 1st two as I have a lot of college work due in before I finish! Hopefully won't be too much of a wait though. **

**Feel free to leave a comment :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 3:**

After standing against my door to try and straighten out my thoughts, I finally head to the lift. I quickly reach the parking garage and my mind still hasn't stopped spinning. I feel light headed and I'm pretty sure my bottom lip is going to bleed if I keep gnawing at it. Finally I reach my Range Rover and take great pleasure in the quiet ambience.

_Right, focus Santana you need a plan._

Focus seems like an impossible task right now, when all I can think about is,

_What lowlife did this to Britt, and what the hell did they do to her?_

Breaking her innocence and purity she possesses is no easy accomplishment and whoever managed to do it…Well I will not be held responsible for my action's that's for damn sure. But this isn't the time to get angry or plan out my vendetta's I have a broken, vulnerable Britt and a beautiful baby girl up there that need me to be strong.

After a quick Google maps search I find the nearest Baby's R Us and drive over there in silence. The drive was a blur I seriously need to snap out of my own thoughts before I crash my car, but the fear of the unknown is all consuming and I hate this feeling of helplessness. I take some more deep breaths trying to regain my composure and head inside the last place I expected to visit on my birthday. I may have also done a quick Google search of necessities for newborn babies as well, and head straight inside looking for a sales assistant to help speed this trip along. The quicker this is over the quicker I can get back to Britt and…Damn, we really need a name for her.

_Crap_.

She really needs a name for her not we. Whilst busy internally berating me for letting myself become so emotionally involved already. I fail to notice the female sales assistant standing in front of me with an over eager smile in place, that shows of her dimples. I give her a quick once over and focus on the name tag _Annie._

"Hey you look a bit confused, do you need some help?" She asks with a familiar glint in her eye as she herself gives me a once over.

Huffing I ignore her obvious leering and snap my fingers in front of her face, "Yo eyes up here Raggedy Anne."

Seeming to snap out of her appreciation of me, she stutters for a second before forcing on a fake smile to try and appease me. Signature eye roll at the ready I just pull out my phone and show her the list of necessities for a baby.

"See this I need everything on this list. Like now." I command and she just looks at me with a look of confusion.

I let out a huff of frustration and complete my signature eye roll.

"Go get me this stuff. Now!" I demand enunciating every word as slowly as possible.

She looks at me with wide scared eyes unsure how to react, and I smirk in satisfaction silently raising my eyebrow to ask, _why are you still standing there?_

_Snixx has still got it._

I smirk to myself as she scurries of to grab the nearest available shopping cart. Once she comes back a little out of breath, she just continues past me walking forward and I follow behind her taking in the sites of this huge baby shop. It's a lot to take in if you have never been in here before, it's so…bright and cute it's actually quite nauseating, kind of like the Easter bunny on ecstasy, I grimace to myself as I catch sight of a scary ass clown. Silently praying for some will power I struggle on head down to avoid eye contact with any other scary clowns. Annie comes to a stop at the next isle looking at me expectantly I turn to see what we have stopped at and I take a quick intake of breathe as I am faced with a literal tower of diapers.

_I am so not prepared for this._

I can feel Annie's gaze on me and it makes me bristle, I hate being in unknown environments, this is not how I work. Right time to swallow my pride, ergh the things Brittany can make me do, she isn't even here and I can already hear what she would say, _be nice San_. Followed no doubt, by her piercing gaze that can get me to do anything she wants. Pride swallowed for the time being I face Annie.

"I don't know which ones I need." I mumble out quickly avoiding eye contact.

I hold my breath and wait for the snarky remark to come as some form of retribution for the way I treated her, but she surprises me with a playful eye roll and nods her head in understanding.

"Overwhelming isn't it?" She responds comfortingly.

I just nod in reply too scared to look at the tower of diapers awaiting me.

"Ok well it isn't that complicated who are you buying diapers for? Age? girl/boy?" She fires quickly at me.

"Uh-uhm, gir-girl she is a girl and she is a day old" I respond anxiously.

I just want this trip to be over, so I can go home and make sure they are Ok. Annie thankfully seems to sense my discomfort in the situation and grabs some diapers and places them in the cart and turns around grabbing some baby wipes and diaper cream too. I smile slightly in thanks.

"What's next?" She asks.

"Baby grows?" Is all I can say, I have no clue what a baby grow is.

Smiling at my obvious confusion she just turns and heads off in a different direction before calling over her shoulder.

"Right this way!"

I look up and realise I had been left behind and I quickly jog to catch up with her. After what must have been well over an hour and an extra 2 carts and another sale's assistant, I am finally loading everything in to my car eager to get home and show Britt what I bought for her. I may have gone a little overboard but babies need a lot of stuff and in my defence, Britt's baby deserves the best! Annie tries to refuse my 20 dollar tip for her awesome work but I force her to accept it, she has been a lifesaver today, and I even stretch myself to give her a genuine smile and a nod of thanks. Starting the car back up I exhale in relief and drive home, finding myself incredibly excited to see Britt and the baby again. _Damn_, snap out of it Santana, she is only here for a few days you can't get attached.

_Too late._

I can feel this swarm of butterflies in my stomach as I pull into the complex's car park.

_I hope Britt likes what I bought._

I look into the back and realise its going to take quite a few trips to get everything up to the apartment. Exhaling my nerves I crack on grab a few bags and head upstairs.

"Britt" I hesitantly call out, still kind of afraid this is all a dream.

I slowly exhale a breath I didn't even realise was held inside, as Britt comes down the hallway to meet me. I watch her approach and I let the sense of calm wash over me, I always feel in her presence. She looks me up and down with a slight smile and a look so much more relaxed than when she first turned up at my door.

"You got some stuff then?" She asks breaking me from my trance.

"Yup here, hold these while I go get the rest of the stuff." I state before passing them off to her and quickly head back down to grab the rest of the stuff.

After four trips I manage to get everything in to the living room spread out so it covers almost my entire floor. I avoid looking at Britt I don't even need to look at her to know her thoughts. But the gaze is burning me and I can feel the pressure till it bursts out of me.

"She needs all this stuff Britt I swear!"

Finally I look at her and she is hinting a smirk.

"Uhuh San, I'm sure."

"Look, See that…"I say pointing to the box in front of the sofa.

"That's the Moses basket for her to sleep in, and in these bags is a blanket to keep her warm, baby grows, sleep suits, towels, socks, and look at how cute these socks are Britt!" I tell her cooing over the frilly socks that fit on the end of my finger.

Getting no response from Britt I turn to look to see her eyes have welled up and a look I can only describe as adoration on her face. I blush under the intensity of her gaze and hold my breathe as she approaches me and pulls me into a fierce hug. Automatically I wrap my hands around her waist and hold her close, trying so hard not to bury my face in her neck.

"Thank you" she whispers before she squeezes me tight one more time and lets me go.

I show Britt the rest of the stuff I bought till I eye the bag which has the best item yet in it which, I know she is going to love as much as I do! While I'm crawling across the floor to reach it, I suddenly panic where's the baby?

"Britt, where is she?"

"I put her on your bed after I fed her I hope that's alright." She replies anxiously.

My chest eases at the knowledge and I just smile in response before I finally reach my favourite items. I look at Britt and present her the bag. She looks at me hesitantly.

"Open it!" I urge barely able to contain my excitement.

I watch her as she carefully opens the bag and pulls out a sleep suit, but her eyes widen in delight when she realises it's not any old sleep suit, it's actually an all in one cream duck sleep suit, with a yellow beak and eyes on the hood.

"San this is so awesome!" She shouts out in delight and literally throws herself on me.

Unprepared for the impact I end up on my back with Britt on top of me eyes almost sparkling again and the smile that's only reserved for me. Looking up into her eyes I just smile softly melting in to her softness, and raise my hand to tuck some of her fallen hair behind her ear.

"You're welcome" I whisper.

"Did you see what else is in the bag" I continue and try to move away from this closeness before I become too overwhelmed.

I literally freeze as she gives me a quick kiss to the cheek followed by a shake of her head in disbelief before getting off me. I lay there paralysed secretly enjoying the tingle that always comes with Britt's kisses.

"Oh my, gosh San a baby duck and cat look how cute they are" she beams at me.

"Yeah I figured we can put them in her basket, I also thought he looks like a mini Lord T, don't you think?"

Receiving a nod in agreement, I pull myself to my feet, time to get all this stuff set up then.

"Britt should we set her stuff up in my room and you can stay in there with her, while I take the couch?" I offer, even though she knows it's going to happen whether she wants it to or not.

So without even waiting for her response I start to collect the bags and carry them towards my room. When I enter my room I stop as I notice her lay in the middle of my bed surrounded by my pillows, I can't stop this sudden rush of love I seem to feel every time I see her.

_Damn Pierce genes._

I Place the bags quietly next to the bed as I slowly approach so I can sit down gently next to her and simply admire. I go to breathe in her awesome baby smell but, I receive a not so pleasant smell instead.

"Uh Britt?" I ask with a grimace on my face. "I think her diaper needs to be changed."

I quickly move away from the bed holding my breath because that is one horrid smell. I move behind Britt who is stood in the doorway unable to contain her laughter.

"Its not funny Britt," I whine, "she smells really bad, fix it!"

I bury my nose into the middle of her back trying to hide from the smell.

She just laughs and pokes me in the sides and heads to grab the stuff. I hesitantly step closer holding my nose between my fingers, to watch her at work and I can't explain how much it warms my heart as I watch her take care of this little girl. She is so gentle the baby barely even stirs before the diaper is changed, wrapped and being held out to me. I just raise my eyebrow and silently ask _what am I supposed to do with that? _

"Just put it in the bin San its not going to hurt you." She manages to get out between her giggles.

Gingerly I hold as little of the diaper as possible between my thumb and forefinger and cover my mouth and nose with my other hand as I practically run to throw it in the trash. After a quick wash of my hands I quietly walk back towards my bedroom in time to witness Britt gently tracing her baby's features with such a look of wonderment, that I quietly pull my phone out and take a picture to remember this moment. Sneaking it back in my pocket before Britt can notice I leave her to bond with her baby.

A while later Britt enters the room and just gives me a look of confusion, because I'm sat amongst various pieces of wood, screws and too many different shaped screwdrivers that I don't even know to do with whilst I try to put together a set of draws.

"Do you need some help?" She queries.

"Please, you were always better with your hands." I state, before I can even process what I actually said.

"Uh-err, I mean, just, ugh, help me Britt please, I swear the instructions are in Elf language and the pictures look like something a child drew in the dark, without even looking at the draws." I groan out.

Within half an hour of Britt helping and my contribution to keep her fed and watered, she has managed to build the small set of draws and put together the stand for the Moses basket without even looking at the instructions. I just roll my eyes and wonder how I seemed to be the only person in high school who could see how smart Britt really is. Eventually we get all the clothes and diapers unpacked and put away in my room just as she the baby starts to fuss again.

"Feeding time again?" I ask her.

Britt just nods in response and brings her to sit on the couch near me but I look away quickly and awkwardly clear my throat as she pulls her top down and starts to breast feed. Britt just laughs at my awkwardness.

"_Sweet valley high_" I ask with an incline towards the TV.

"Perfect." She sweetly responds.

I sigh out in contentment and settle back listening to the sounds of the baby feeding as _Sweet Valley High _starts_._

_Yeah_…

This birthday really has been perfect.

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**AN: Really sorry for the wait, I had so much college work to finish and then my brain just broke for a while! The next wait hopefully won't be this long! **

**Thanks to everybody who is reading, following and has made it a favourite it means so much! **

**Feel free to leave a review if you want :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Here's the next chapter quicker as promised!**

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**Chapter 4:**

I blink in quick succession as I try to get a grasp of where I am. I look around bleary eyed I realise I must have fell asleep as I let my eyes focus on the TV that's muted. With my eyes adjusted to the darkness I notice Britt stood at the end of the sofa eyes bright and wet, a clear sign she is about to cry.

"Hey, Britt what's up?" I croak out.

Britt doesn't respond she moves so quick, I don't even get the chance to assess the situation before Britt's face is buried face first in to my neck. She clings to me desperately. Shocked by the sudden intrusion, I wrap her tight in my arms to offer her as much comfort as possible. This seems to snap something inside of her though as I feel a heart wrenched sob break free from her, and travel all the way through to my heart. Unsure of what I should do I just pull her into me closer and try to physically hold her together. But I am so terrified it's too little too late.

_She is already broken. _

"It's Ok. B I've got you just let it out." I whisper as I place a kiss to the top of her head, in the hope it will provide some form of assurance.

_God I'm gonna kill whatever bastard did this to her!_

I get pulled from my anger, as I feel her cry rate increase and her body start to shake as she struggles to catch her breath. I try and loosen my grip on her to help her breathe easier but she just clamps down even tighter.

"Don't let me go please." She begs.

I just pull her as close as possible in response and start to hum the all too familiar song that has always calmed her down, since I first sang it to her back in high school, _Songbird._ As I softly start to hum the tune to her I hear her breath catch and she starts to cry even harder.

"Oh shit, sorry I didn't mean to make you feel worse sorry Britt, please just, breathe." I whisper as I force myself try and keep my voice even so I don't alert her to the tears gathered in my eyes.

"D-don't s-stop, please, sing it to me San." She managed to gasp out.

Short of ideas to offer her the comfort she so desperately seems to crave, I start to sing our all too familiar song.

_For you, there'll be no more crying,  
For you, the sun will be shining,  
And I feel that when I'm with you,  
It's alright, I know it's right_

_To you, I'll give the world_  
_To you, I'll never be cold_  
_'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,_  
_It's alright, I know it's right._

_And the songbirds are singing,  
Like they know the score,  
And I love you, I love you, I love you,  
Like never before._

_And I wish you all the love in the world,_  
_But most of all, I wish it from myself._

_And the songbirds keep singing,_  
_Like they know the score,_  
_And I love you, I love you, I love you,_  
_Like never before, like never before._

As I come to the end of the song, Britt's body still shakes but her tears seem to have calmed.

"Again." She begs.

So I do. I sing, over and over again till my voice is hoarse. I'm not sure when she managed to get to sleep. It could have been between the forth or fifth time. I just snuggle close to her wrap her up in the blanket, and try not to let my thoughts and emotions assault my mind. I realise I am not about to experience any sleep for myself and I take comfort in the fact that whilst Britt is here in my arms she is safe and I will do everything in my power to put her back together again. I can feel myself start to get lost in my emotions again so I gently start to stroke my fingers through her hair and allow the closeness calm me. I can't believe I am here lay with a damaged Britt on my sofa, on my birthday. After everything we have been through I always pictured our reunion to be different. There was never any doubt in my mind that we would meet again but, I just never pictured her to arrive 4 years later on my doorstep broken and a baby in tow. But the strangeness of the situation is that, it doesn't feel strange, it feels like…

_This is how it was always meant to be._

I allow that knowledge to possess my body and in still a sense of temporary peace that allows me to drift off to sleep, with Britt safely in my arms, where she belongs.

I can feel myself begin to be pulled from my sleep again, only this time there is no Britt to be found in my arms and I again feel the incredible loss of warmth that has been a permanent fixture in my life since we broke up. The disappointment I feel doesn't last long, due to the soft hum of Britt's voice I can hear, accompanied by the smell of coffee and pancakes. I approach my kitchen with a little nervous apprehension, uncertain of what state I will find her in today. From the doorway of my kitchen the sight before me returns any warmth I missed instantly and reaches the very darkest parts of my heart. Britt is stood over my stove as she hums, and every few seconds she completes half a spin to her little girl who is sat in her baby chair, and bops her on the nose with a bright smile, before she spins back round to finish the pancakes. I approach the table and sit myself to face the baby and gently trace my finger from her hair down her nose to her delicate mouth.

"Well good morning beautiful." I whisper out, scared if I speak too loud I will break the tranquil atmosphere.

"Oh San you're awake! Great breakfast is almost ready I made your favourite." Britt states proudly.

"Thanks Britt it smells great, I'm starved we hardly ate yesterday."

After another minute or two of quiet tranquillity I find a stack of pancakes placed in front of me with whipped cream and strawberries on the side just how I like it and a cup of black coffee to finish it off. I let out a moan of appreciation and wait for Britt to join me.

"Thanks Britt, are you not eating anything?" I ask her, because she only seems to have a cup of coffee.

"No, I 'm fine thanks San you enjoy it." She insists.

"Britt you need to keep your strength up you only just had a baby." I argue.

"No excuse to indulge myself and get even fatter." She retorts.

_Wait what?_

"Fat what are you talking about Britt? You aren't fat, nor have you ever been fat and you have just had a baby!" I reply in shock.

"Just because I had a baby Santana doesn't give me the right to let myself get fat! Nobody wants a fat, stupid blonde!" She yells in anger.

"Britt, where is this coming from?" I ask in a calm undertone to try and not make her even angrier.

"I am fat Santana look at me! I can't fix my stupid but I can sure as hell fix my obvious weight problem and at least try to be pretty!" She growls out and throws the chair to the floor before she makes a quick escape.

_What the hell just happened?_

I sit at the table and finish my breakfast, and try to entertain Britt's baby. I slowly realise Britt isn't about to come and join us again anytime soon. I Sigh in confusion get up and carry my favourite little girl in to the living room to play.

"Aaaaand this little piggy went wee, wee, wee all the way home." I hum out whilst I tickle her soft belly.

"We really need a name for you huh baby girl?" I ask her.

All too soon I am disturbed from my play time by a distinct smell.

_Oh crap, literally._

With no Britt to hide behind I hold my breath and go to undo her sleep suit, when I reach her diaper I realise my rookie mistake, definitely held my breath to soon as I gasp out for air and inhale far more of the smell than I would have liked. After another deep breath I dive back in to complete the quickest diaper change in the history of diaper changes and try not to gag. I fasten her sleep suit back up and seal the deal with a quick kiss to her nose.

"Be right back beautiful." I call out as I head to the kitchen to dispose of the dirty diaper.

I'm stopped from my activities by my phone, I find it on the coffee table in the living room and see _Thing 1_ flash across the screen, I groan out in frustration before I answer.

"What do you want hobbit?" I bitch out.

"_Good morning Santana, did you have a nice birthday_?" She pleasantly responds immune to my rude behaviour.

"You could say that. Any reason as to why you are on the phone to me this early in the morning?"

"_I was just calling to confirm our lunch reservations for this afternoon?"_

"Shit! I forgot about that sorry Hob-I mean Rach, rain check?" I request.

"_I can come to your apartment if you prefer Sa-"_

"No!" I cut her off "I mean I don't feel too good I just need to rest up I'll talk to you later thanks bye." I rush out and cut her off as I hear baby girl start to fuss. I walk over, pick her up and cradle her to my chest.

"Are you hungry baby girl?" I coo out.

I sit back on the coach and try and settle her back down but to no avail. I don't have time to worry though as I see Britt come out of my room, eyes blood shot and posture so defeated I have to look away. She does however seem a lot calmer and makes a move to join us on the sofa.

"Hey, this baby girl is hungry I think." I gently tell her.

Britt just smiles in response with her arms held out ready for her baby. I smile and hand her over careful not to jostle her head. Once Britt starts to feed I look her in the eyes and give her a soft smile.

"So Britt as cute as baby girl is, for this little one I don't think it's a very permanent name, I think its time you name her, what do you say" I ask with such excitement I surprise myself.

Britt looks at me and I can see the relief in her face accompanied with the silent thanks, as she realises I am not about to force her to talk about what happened in the kitchen.

"Yeah I think you are right San, we definitely need to name her something other than baby girl!" She responds with just as much as enthusiasm as me.

I am quick to pull out my phone and type out _unique girl names. _I grimace as I read through some of the ridiculous names.

"What kind of a name is Irene really? She isn't 80! Mona? Nope not even an option she will be bullied for life." I list and at the same time provide Britt with my vital honest opinion.

"Beatrix she who brings happiness?" I query.

"That's nice San but whenever you hear Beatrix you think potter. We need to at least give her a chance." Britt giggles out.

I nod my head to confirm my agreement and carry on the search.

"Wait, I think I have the perfect name!" I shout and make both Britt and baby jump.

"Sorry," I am quick to apologise.

"Well…" Britt drags out impatiently.

"Daniella? It means miracle." I whisper and test it out on my tongue.

"And you could call her Ella for short which also means beautiful fairy." I smile out to Britt and check her face some kind of response.

"Daniella" She repeats, "Daniella, Danni or Ella for short. Yes! It's perfect. A perfect little fairy" She exclaims with a huge smile on her face.

"Daniella Pierce." I whisper out with reverence.

"Daniella Marie Pierce." Britt finishes, with a soft smile.

"Marie?" I breathe out in question.

"Of course she needs to have a part of my best friend." Britt responds like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

_Best friend? I really don't like the sound of that._

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**AN: I hope you enjoyed this update :) **

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and thanks to all the guests who reviewed too sorry I can't reply to you!**

**Feel free to review**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry for the wait had some serious writers block that wasn't helped by life throwing things my way. Here it is anyway all mistakes are my own!**

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**Chapter 5:**

"Well Britt now we have a name for this beautiful little girl." I state happily whilst rubbing my nose affectionately against Daniella's tiny button one.

"How about we head down to the grocery store down the block and get something special to cook and celebrate. I'm thinking spaghetti and meatballs?" I finish with a wink over at Britt.

"Only down the block?" She responds her voice is laced with uncertainty.

"Yeah B, it's not even 5minutes away." I say to reassure her.

My mind is plagued with confusion so many questions about this Britt, I can't seem to make sense of the situation.

_Why is she so hesitant to leave? What is she so afraid of? How am I supposed to help her if she won't tell me what's wrong?_

I reach over with my hand and I slowly grip her left one. I attempt to try and physically offer her as much comfort as possible since my words were not able to have the desired effect.

"Ok, the fresh air would be nice I feel like I've been cooped up forever." She speaks with a bit more confidence.

"Awesome, well lets get dressed, get Daniella-" I cut myself off and smile after I use her name properly for the first time, it warms my whole body.

"Dressed and we will go." I continue happy to see Britt a bit more positive.

Once I have got dressed in the bathroom I find Britt ready in the lounge in some of my black leggings, with my old Louisville hoodie and to finish the look my blue Yankees cap. Daniella is strapped safely to her chest in her yellow baby carrier. She must sense my presence because she looks over at me with a sheepish expression.

"I-uh didn't have any clothes I hope it's alright I borrowed some of yours?" She gently asks me.

"Course B, what's mine is yours you know that."

Britt turns and heads towards the front door, but I have to stop and just take a second to myself, this all still feels so surreal. I am terrified this is all just a dream and I am going to wake up any second to find her gone…both of them gone.

_If it is a dream I don't ever want to wake up._

Britt turns round once she has noticed I haven't followed her. I look into her eyes and they tell me everything I need to know. She is real they both are and as I breathe out my butterflies I think to myself.

_I can't let them go._

Once we leave the apartment complex I look over at Britt who immediately grasps my hand in hers, I can feel her clammy palm against my dry one. I feel her anxiety pour of her in waves. I try to make eye contact with her but she looks like she wants to curl in on herself. The cap is pulled down over her eyes and her hair is down to cover most of her face. It is so wrong to see Britt afraid, it feels completely unnatural. Such beautiful, innocent people should never have to be afraid. It causes a knot of anxiety to settle in my stomach and I squeeze her hand back hard, in a vein attempt to soak up some of her anxiety for myself.

The short walk to the grocery store was awkward and uncomfortable. I was out of ideas to try and ease her worries because I had no idea what the cause was. Britt just held my hand in a death grip the entire way glued to my side. With her head down, she didn't look up or speak for the duration of the journey she simply held Daniella tight to her chest. I was thankful Daniella was asleep because I really didn't want Brittany's anxiety to be passed to her daughter.

_Her daughter she's completely innocent and I would die before anyone could take that away from her. I wish I could have done the same for Britt._

I eventually managed to buy everything but it wasn't easy, especially when you're forced to do it one handed. Ingredients for spaghetti and meatball's bought we managed to get back to my apartment in one piece, well physically at least.

With Daniella asleep in her bed, Britt and I started to unpack the groceries in silence, it seems like I wasn't the only one to be consumed by their thoughts. Suddenly the silence is broken by a loud smash. With a quick turn of my head I see Britt bent over what looked like a broken jar of peanut butter. I walk over to help her I freeze in my spot when I hear what's spoken.

"P-please don't hurt me. I'm s-sorry it won't h-happen again. G-god I'm… stupid, stupid Britt!" Her sobs so violent she can barely speak.

"Hey, I know its Ok accidents happen." I try to breathe out, still in shock.

"I'm so sorry! It was an accident and I didn't mean to do it."

I stare at her with my jaw on the floor, unsure as to what the hell just happened. I look at her and I can feel my heart shatter into even smaller pieces, her hands won't stop shaking and she has tears streaming down her face. She looks so lost. I ignore the mess on the floor sit down next to her and just tug her into my lap and hold her to me as tight as possible.

"Brittany, listen to me. I don't know what happened to you, but you know me. I know deep down in there you know you have absolutely nothing to be scared of when you're with me. I would never ever do anything to hurt you. You're safe here it's just me and you B I promise you it's Ok." I whisper to her and seal the promise with a firm kiss to her forehead.

She clings to me while she cries and for what feels like an eternity I just hold her. I'm at a total loss of how much longer I can bear to see her utterly broken. I don't know what to do for the best. There are only so many whispered words of comfort I can give and hugs that temporarily hold her together. I wish I could take away her pain and soak it all up instead.

I am brought back to reality when I hear Daniella cry. Britt must hear her too because she loosens her grip on me and sits up. Her eyes bore into mine covered in a layer of tears but that layer isn't enough to hide the pain and suffering I can see. I will do anything to get those eyes back to how they used to be, sparkling brighter than the most expensive diamonds. I reach up with my thumbs and gently wipe away the tears from under her eyes and give her a small smile. She just looks at me for a second longer before she releases a sigh and climbs off me.

"I better go feed her." She tells me her voice barely there from crying so hard.

"I'll start dinner" I mumble out while I climb off the floor.

She doesn't even look back at me before she leaves the room. Once she has left I release a half sigh half cry. I try and hold myself together but I can't stop the few tears that manage to break free. I wipe them away roughly I need to pull myself together. I need to be strong. No, she needs me to be strong. I finish putting the groceries away and start dinner with a heavy heart.

Dinner was a quiet affair Britt just hid behind her hair and ate her dinner. My attempts to make simple conversation were shot down with her one word monotonous answers. I was so sure we had made progress earlier when we named Daniella, but now I feel like we have taken 10 steps back.

I blink back in shock as I realise Britt is stood next to me I was so distracted I didn't even notice her move.

"Let me take that for you." She whispers softly, while she goes to take my plate.

I don't stop her. I don't even know how to talk to her right now.

The rest of the evening is pretty much the same. Britt still hasn't said much and I just sit on the sofa pretending to pay attention to whatever is on. I hear her come in to the lounge and I tear my gaze away from the television to look at her.

"I'm going to give Daniella a bath and then put her down to bed. Uh-Then I-I'm going to go bed too, if that's Ok everywhere is tidy." She tries to tell me.

_Why is she asking my permission?_

"Ok goodnight B." I whisper over to her I don't have the energy to challenge her.

I don't know how much longer I sat there I was lulled into a trance by the flickers of light from the television. The next thing I am aware of is soft whispers of my name I open my eyes slowly and try to come to my senses. I look around and get confused because it's so dark. I must have managed to fall asleep and find some relief from my hazardous thoughts. I make eye contact with Brittany she is stood at the end of the sofa again, in the exact same state as the night before. I just shuffle further into the sofa and open my arms. Sure enough she moves nearly as fast as the speed of light and literally dives into my arms, before she releases more tears into my shirt. With all the tears she has already shed since she came back into my life I am surprised she has anymore left to give. This time I can't prevent my own tears joining hers.

"I got you B, you're safe." I repeat over and over again like a mantra.

I tried so hard to keep the tears out of my voice but it mustn't have worked because Britt pulls away from my chest and looks at me with her tear stained face.

"P-please don't cry San, I'm so sorry." She begs me.

"I can't help it B, you hurt I hurt." I softly whisper to her.

This seems to be the wrong thing to say because she is back pressed into my chest.

"I don't want to hurt anymore." She forces out.

"I know you don't sweetie, I don't want you to hurt either. But I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong. You need to trust me, Brittany you used to be able to tell me everything. Tell me what happened and I will do my best to help this pain go away. I promise." I plead with her to tell me and finish my declaration by pulling her in closer to me.

She tenses after my speech I can feel her whole body on edge. As I wait I hope I haven't pushed her too far, I really can't afford for her to build up anymore walls between us. I make one last physical attempt to break through her walls I squeeze her that bit tighter to me and kiss her forehead whilst I start to hum to her. I feel her body start to relax and all the tension leave her body. I inwardly smile at this small success.

"Ok." She tells me in an almost inaudible voice. "I'll tell you everything."

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**AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter I know it was a little on the short side but this was a build up to Britt's story in the next chapter.**

**Do you want it in a flashback of Britt's life the past few years or just a conversation between them both?**

**Thanks for all the reviews and follows/favourites! **

**Review if you want!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Possible trigger warnings!**

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**Chapter 6:**

I'm still lying on the sofa with Britt pulled as close to me as physics will allow. I patiently wait for her to open up. What was so bad it caused her to become so vastly different from the girl I once knew? Most importantly I want to know who is responsible for breaking her spirit. I feel like I've waited an eternity until she finally manages to pull herself off me and tiredly rubs her red raw eyes.

"Hey don't do that Britt you'll make them even worse." I gently chastise her while I pry her hands from her eyes.

She just looks at me so lost. The look she gives me is the same look that has been on her face most of the time she has been back here. It is that look that is responsible for the numerous breaks in my already scarred heart. I wasn't aware your heart could repeatedly break, I should have known better though. Britt has always pushed me to the extreme in both the best and worst ways possible. But this needs to stop she needs to tell me so I can help her and we can move on from this and focus on the future.

"Britt I can't help you if you don't tell me." I prompt her carefully.

"I know but I'm scared." She barely breathes out.

"Of what B, you're safe here. I would never let anything happen to you." I reply in earnest.

"I'm scared… scared of what you will think of me when you know the truth." She tells me with a tremble in her voice.

I tut at her because that might possibly be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard and I used to live with Rachel Berry! Nothing and nobody could ever change the way I feel about Britt. It's a preposterous idea and I tell her just as much.

"You promise?" she responds.

I smile and just reach out my right pinky to her in answer. My actions manage to get a small smile out of her as she links her own pinky with mine. I feel that all too familiar increasing heart rate and butterflies in my stomach that's only been associated with being connected to Britt. I pull her close into another embrace and reaffirm my promise with a whisper in her ear…

"B I love you so much and I will always be here for you, let me be here for you."

Brittany just pulls back and looks in my eyes searching for something. We have always communicated better without words and I briefly indulge in the sense of relief it brings me knowing at least some things will never change between us. She must find what she's searching for because a look of determination appears on her face. She moves away from me and sits on the opposite end of the sofa to me.

_Why she doesn't want to be close to me?_

"I can't be comforted for this San, if I am I don't think I'll be able to tell you. I don't think I'm strong enough."

I don't know if I am strong enough to hear this anymore, I know the truth will bring a massive range of conflicting emotions that I will have to sort through. But I need to put my feelings to one side this isn't about me right now this is about Britt's attempt to let go of something that's holding her hostage. If anyone knows about keeping everything inside it's me, I know how much it can eat away at you. All I can do is try to be strong for Britt and do the best I can to help piece her back together again.

Britt interrupts my train of thought when she breathes out a big sigh of air and I can physically see a little bit of her tension leave her body with it. I begin to tense in preparation of her letting me in again. But it's time to bite the bullet and face her demons together.

"When I got to MIT they provided me with my own off campus apartment that my scholarship paid for." She tells me with no emotion in her voice. "I was having a struggle getting all my bags into my apartment, and out of nowhere this guy appeared offering to help. He was so polite and helpful, and you know how stupid I am, expecting there to be good in everyone." She spits out with a humourless laugh.

My stomach drops I don't even know what I am supposed to say I need to let her get it all out but I feel this insistent need to defend her. This innocence and seeing the good in everybody is the best part of her. I bite my tongue though this isn't the right time.

"I invited him for a coffee to thank him for all his help. I found out his name was Joel and he was a few years older than me and worked in a bar not too far from our apartment block." She continues.

I can tell it's getting harder for her to speak though. Her eyes are glazing over she's being taken back to the past reliving the whole experience again. My whole body is aching to reach out and comfort her, hold her and tell her it will all be ok.

"He was so charming and we made it a regular occurrence. He would come over to my apartment for coffee when I wasn't at college and we would just talk and laugh about anything and everything. He was my only friend the people at MIT didn't take to me…" She pauses and a single tear escapes her eye.

I watch it slowly make a trail down her left cheek and to her chin. I can't take it anymore so I quickly and tenderly reach over and wipe it away with my thumb. Britt flinches and looks at me confused.

"It's ok you're here with me." I tell her firmly trying to bring her back to the present.

She just nods her head in agreement and roughly wipes her face, in an attempt to snap her out of her waking nightmare.

"No shock there though hey," She laughs out "People not understanding my way of thinking and making fun of me. The only difference really between MIT and McKinley though is that you weren't there to protect me from it." She tells me, eyes full of sorrow connecting with mine.

I feel like a bucket of ice cold water has been tipped over me. I hate I wasn't there but I hate all the ignorant fools in this world even more who are oblivious and fail to see how Brittany is all that's good in this miserable stinking world. I take a breath to calm myself and just nod at Britt to continue.

"So me and Joel became close he was my only friend in a place where I didn't know anyone. After a few weeks he eventually asked me out on a date. It was nice we had fun and we uhm-uh kissed at the end." She tells me hesitantly watching my face for a reaction.

My face remains stoic though. She must see that I just want this story over with so she carries on quickly.

"It was fun at first going on dates he took me places like his work and his favourite hangouts. I never met anybody of importance to him though like friends or family. He seemed to be as lonely as me. It wasn't until later I found out why he was lonely. Eventually after a couple of months he asked to move in with me. He explained it would be easier and cheaper for him and that I would be doing him a massive favour. Plus he was always at my place anyway it wouldn't make too much of a difference, well at least that's what I thought." She says and takes a deep breath to regroup.

"The first week was fine, him living there. But the second week well he started to change. He started to tell me that I should be the one to cook for him and keep the place tidy, because it was my job to take care of him. I didn't even blink I figured he must just be the old fashioned type. But one time…"

I can see her internally battling with herself trying to find the strength to carry on.

_Fuck keeping my distance._

I reach my right hand over taking her left and squeezing it tight in an attempt to transfer some of my strength into her.

"T-this one time, I had a paper to write and he was at work. He got back and asked me where his dinner was. I uh- t-told him it wasn't made yet because I'd been b-busy."

No matter how hard Brittany tries, she can't stop the tears from flowing.

"He got so mad San, started shouting in my face about how I only had one job to do and that was take care of him but I was too stupid to even do that right. He told me that he should always come first not some stupid college work..." She trails off towards the end.

Speechless is what I feel right now combined with undiluted anger. I can feel the rage spreading from my toes up through my legs to my stomach until Britt can see it raging behind my eyes.

_I'm gonna kill him. _

Forget going Lima heights I'm just going to flat out torture the bastard!

"San," she whispers softly to me.

Snapping me out of my plans to kill Joel I make eye contact with Britt. My anger instantly evaporates when I see the fear in her eyes.

"Please, before you get mad can you just let me finish. Then you can scream as much as you want and in Spanish as well if you really need too." She tells me lightly hoping to break the dark mood that has settled.

I just squeeze her hand in answer and wait for her to continue. I can't predict how bad this is going to get but I have a niggling feeling this is going to get a lot worse before the end. I wish I knew what to expect. She makes eye contact one last time to make sure I am ready and then carries on.

"I'm not going to sugar coat it Santana I was terrified, I seriously thought he was going to hit me, and his breath wreaked of alcohol it made my stomach turn. Once he finished yelling he just went and sat on the sofa like nothing had happened. I stood there frozen trying to process why he had snapped like that. I would've… No, I should've left then. But I didn't I just quietly went and made him his dinner. And god San he was so apologetic the next day, telling me he had a bad shift at work and one too many drinks and he promised to never speak to me like that ever again." She forces whilst holding back a sob.

I slowly start to edge even closer to her. Physical contact is how we have always comforted each other and I don't know why she suddenly wants to stop it now. Our thighs bump together and she looks up only just realising I am next to her. Bottom lip trembling and tears welling up in her eyes she eventually lets herself cry and rests her head on my right shoulder. I just put my arm around her and hold her close.

_This is going to be a long night_.

She actually stops crying sooner than I expect and just continues from where she left off. It's like she has opened a can of worms and just wants to let them all out.

"He was so loving, caring and considerate the next few weeks." She takes a breath. "Then I was late home one night…I think by like half an hour." She mumbles out.

My stomach drops I am definitely not going to like what's coming, Britt slowly peels herself off my shoulder and puts a bit of distance between us again.

"He was fuming, he was so much angrier than the last time. Telling me how stupid I was not being able to tell the time and if I carried on being so stupid he would leave me and I'd be left alone cause nobody would put up with me. I should be thankful he puts up with me. I tri-tried to tell h-him it wasn't my fault. My tutor needed to talk to me." She gives me a cautious look before she opens her mouth and I wish I could rewind time.

"The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor a-and he was sat next to me crying apologies over and over again. I was confused for a moment until I gained some of my bearings and was hit with a searing pain across my left cheek." She tells me while gently tracing her hand over the previously damaged spot.

"Stop…" I whisper out barely holding myself together. "Please stop Britt."

I can feel my eyes stinging with the tears but I won't let them fall. I refuse to look Britt in the eye because I know all self control will go out the window and I won't be able to hold the tears back at all.

"I uh-uhm need a drink. Do you want one?" I ask her I just need a minute to compose myself.

In my peripheral vision I see Britt shake her head. I just nod to myself and head to the kitchen. As soon as I enter the kitchen I close my eyes and silently let the tears fall freely. I have to cover my mouth to prevent my sob being heard by Brittany. I allow myself to quietly cry for another minute before forcefully wiping away any evidence from my face. I inhale deeply and just turn back in to the lounge to get this over and done with. I sit back down closer to Britt I need to feel her comforting presence. I need to feel her and know she is safe now. I need just as much reassurance as Britt at this moment and I hate it. I hate feeling needy and weak. But mostly I hate feeling, out of control.

"You forgot your drink." Britt states to calling me out on my obvious lie.

I look into her eyes, and they tell her everything she needs to know she reads me like an open book. I plead for her forgiveness with my eyes. She just shakes her head dismissing my plea and opens her arms. She knows it's my turn to be comforted. I don't hesitate in my actions before I know it I am being enveloped by Brittany and all I can smell is her. I'd almost forgotten how amazing, safe and warm Britt could make me feel with just a simple hug. I sigh in relief and let her pull me closer. This is the first time Britt has held me since she came back and I am damn well going to bask in it for as long as possible. The moment is over quicker than I'd like when Britt breaks it by gently lifting me off her to look me in the eye.

"Do you want to stop? I don't want to cause you pain Santana, that was never my intention, this is why I didn't want to tell you I know how passionate yo-"

"No Britt!" I cut her off quickly. "I'm sorry this isn't about me. I want you to let go of this get it of your chest so it isn't stuck inside of you anymore." I tell her calmly as I unconsciously reach my right hand up to her left cheek to stroke it gently. She doesn't flinch or cower at the contact and I internally enjoy the small victory. She leans into my hand when I cup her face.

I can feel myself inching closer to her face her clear eyes drawing me into her with a force beyond my control. I get so close I can feel her warm sweet breath on my face and I slowly lean in further and close the gap.

_Home._

Is the first thing that comes to mind when our lips make contact. I feel as though I am exactly where I'm supposed to be kissing Brittany. Holding her close, we just mould together perfectly. I tilt my head a little to the left to try and deepen the kiss, but before I get the chance Britt has pulled away eyes full of fear and confusion.

"I uh I-I can't, I-I'm s-sorry." She stutters out tears filling her eyes.

She is up and out of the lounge and into the bedroom before I even get a chance to talk to her about what just happened. I silently reprimand myself for being such an idiot and release a deep sigh before throwing myself back on the sofa.

"Fuck!" I mumble out.

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**AN: Sorry for the wait! **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews from the last chapter I took all of your opinions into consideration so I hope it was what you wanted?**

**Thanks for all the favs/follows. The response is overwhelming for my first ever story it means so much!**

**I know this was kind of upsetting so if this offends or upsets anyone don't be afraid to PM if you want to talk about it I know domestic violence is a delicate subject.**

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**Final AN note RIP Cory so sad 3**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Trigger warnings! **

**Sorry for slow update. Massive thanks for all the reviews and to all the guests who reviewed as well! **

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**Chapter 7:**

_Idiot, moron, asshole are just a few words that apply to me in this very moment. I Santana Lopez am a complete and utter dumb-ass! I know what to do to help Brittany. Get her to finally open up and become completely vulnerable trusting you to keep her safe and you basically throw yourself at her! What were you thinking? Oh that's right you wasn't thinking about Brittany, you were thinking about yourself as per usual! _

I've been internally berating myself for the better part of half an hour. Britt has made no move to come out of my room, not that I would expect her to. I have royally fucked up. I know I should give her space and let her process what just happened but I have this huge overwhelming need to go in there and grovel on my knees begging for her forgiveness. That and I also need to get some clothes for tomorrow.

Inhaling a huge breath and holding on to what little confidence I have left, I slowly approach the door and knock hesitantly. Standing there as the seconds of silence tick by my last remaining bit of confidence starts to dwindle rapidly. Eventually I hear a muffled _come in_ from the other side of the door and with unsteady hands I reach for the handle letting myself into the room.

The room is dimly lit by my nightlight next to my bed and while I wait for my eyes to adjust to the lighting, I try to think of something to say. But my mind just continues to draw a blank. Looking up once my eyes have adjusted I see Britt sat against my headboard holding Daniella close to her chest acting as a shield between us. Her eyes are cold and looking straight through me. My heart twinges painfully at her being so guarded again.

_You only have yourself to blame!_

"I uhm j-just need to grab some clothes." I tell her shakily.

Receiving no response I carry on my explanation. "I have to leave early in the morning I-"

"You won't be here?" Brittany cuts me off her voice laced with panic.

Looking up our eyes connects and the vice on my heart loosens a little bit when I see the coldness has temporarily vanished. Unfortunately it has been replaced with fear.

"I have to go to work in the morning and sort out some work stuff an-" But she cuts me off before I can finish.

"No, of course you have work, stupid me as if you were going to put your whole life on hold. God I'm such an idiot." Brittany harshly says, and I am a little confused as to who she is talking to.

"Britt, I don't have to go in work, I can call in the morning and rearrange it isn't a big deal, if you need me I'm here no questions asked." I tell her with all the sincerity I possess.

Her eyes bore into me her gaze so fierce I can feel sweat starting to accumulate at my hairline. The look is penetrating straight to my soul. I hate and love that look because it always causes me to… yep here comes the word vomit.

"B I am so, so sorry, I should never have kissed you. It was such a bitch move, shit I'm sorry, fu-…"

I groan out in frustration. I'm completely furious with myself for screwing up my chance to fix things. Then to top it off I'm swearing in front of Daniella.

_Awesome job Santana you're on a role tonight._

I silently count to ten before I raise my eyes to see Britt quirking her eyebrow towards me with a ghost of a smile on her face. I breathe out the rest of my frustrations and try again.

"I'm sorry B, it was a completely selfish move and I should never have done it. I promise it will never happen again. You can trust me B, I will do everything I can to make you feel safe I swear it." I tell her.

Britt's face softens after my apology and she just gives me a taste of my own medicine by giving me an exaggerated eye roll.

"Come here you fool." She says, with absolutely no malice in her voice.

Smiling sheepishly I walk over and sit on the left side of my bed near her hip. Hesitantly placing my hand on her leg.

"I really am sorry Britt." I tell her quietly.

"I know San, I'm sorry too."

"Don't be you did nothing wrong, its just I-uh, remember that night when I was so distraught over Finn outing me?" Receiving a nod in response I carry on my explanation. "Well you remember how you comforted me that night?" I ask her.

Silently thanking the darkness of the room so she can't see the blush highlighting my cheeks, as I remember the intense night of tears, kisses and love making that followed the outing. I watch her seeing the realization wash over her face and she smiles at me in return.

"I get it San, its just I guess it scared me. I am just not in that place you know. My heads a mess I can't even look after myself and now I have a baby I'm supposed to look after as well. I just feel so helpless. It's completely overwhelming. I just need my best friend right now. Is that Ok?" She questions me her eyes pleading.

"Yeah, no totally I understand." I reply trying to keep my face emotionless so she can't see the pain her request just caused me.

_This isn't about you stop being so selfish damn it!_

I need to grow up and put these two people first and do everything I can to make sure they are safe and happy. Even though this has been a crazy couple of days now Britt is back in my life with Daniella too and I will do everything I can to keep it that way.

"I'm just going to grab my clothes and I'll leave you two to get some sleep." I tell Britt and quickly place a barely there kiss goodnight on Daniella's forehead so I don't wake her. I get up slowly but don't get very far thanks to Britt grabbing my arm and pulling me back down with a bounce.

"Could, you maybe uhm…" She stutters out, "nothing, never mind..."

Thankfully Britt isn't the only one with the skill to interpret each others needs without words.

"Scoot over." I tell her softly and slowly lie on my back next to her when she carefully moves over.

Turning my head to the right I watch Britt as she ever so carefully lowers Daniella into her Moses basket. The sight of Britt being so loving and gentle warms my heart. Rolling back over after placing a goodnight kiss or three to her daughter she faces me.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I am looking at you like this because you are amazing. I'm so proud of you and I am so glad you're here." I tell her my voice full of emotion.

Britt just shakes her head in denial and I can almost physically feel her pain and self loathing radiating from her.

"Its true B, you left, you did what you needed to keep you and Daniella safe. You were truly brave."

She watches me silently as tears start to fill her eyes, her right cheek pulled in slightly a sure sign she is biting the inside to stop the tears from falling. I just wait patiently for her to say something. Everything has to be on her terms now I don't trust myself to take the lead after the disaster that happened earlier.

Britt takes a deep breath before shuffling over towards me laying her head on my shoulder and I automatically wrap my arm around her. Thankfully this isn't crossing any lines we have always been touchy feely friends.

"I was so scared San, when I came round a-after he h-hit me. I was in so much pain and I couldn't believe he actually knocked me out. He took me to the emergency room but he wouldn't leave my side and didn't let me speak to anyone. He did all the talking telling the doctor that I walked into the door when he was opening it. I could tell the doctor wasn't buying the story but I couldn't tell him anything because Joel was squeezing my hand so tight, I was terrified of what he would do. Plus where could I have gone, I had no money he lived with me and he was the only person I knew. Plus what if he was right San what if nobody would want me. I couldn't shake that self doubt it was constantly there in the back of my mind this little niggling voice telling me this is what I deserved. This was the best I could do." She tells me her voice back to being void of any emotion.

I just pull her closer and place a kiss on her hairline. Silently urging her to continue.

"So it turns out I had a minor concussion and a broken cheekbone, but luckily it wasn't a bad break so I didn't need any surgery. The doctor discharged me with some painkillers and I knew time was running out for me to say something, anything. The doctor went to leave the treatment room but I called him back quickly avoiding eye contact with Joel and I was going to tell him I was so close but Joel cut me off, he told the doctor thanks and grabbed my hand dragging me out of the door before I could say anymore. I wish I was brave then, but I wasn't the fear consumed me." Brittany tells me her voice breaking slightly. "Oh god San I wish I didn't even try because Joel could see what I was going to say and he got so mad when we got back to the apartment…" She trails off.

"Tell me B." I encourage her even though it is the last thing i want her to do.

"First he took his anger out on the apartment he started throwing stuff around and breaking things while screaming at me for trying to leave him. He told me I am never going to leave him and if I ever did try again uh-uhm h-he would k-kill me."

I momentarily freeze.

_He said what!?_

"It gets worse because once he had nothing left to break in the apartment he turned to me and I didn't even recognize him anymore his eyes were completely empty. I was terrified but my feet wouldn't move. The next thing he said to me was that when he was finished with me nobody would ever want me again." She whispers out.

_What the fuck did he do?_

I can feel the bile rising up in my throat, I couldn't imagine it getting any worse but yet again I was wrong. So very wrong. But Britt doesn't continue speaking she pulls away from me and I look at her confused. But then my blood runs cold as she lifts her top to just beneath her bra without breaking eye contact with me. I break contact and look at her stomach the next thing I know is I am jumping off the bed and running to the toilet in the en suite as quick as I can, where I empty the entire contents of my stomach.

The image of Britt's beautiful stomach marred with dozens of scars keeps replaying over and over in my mind. That image is something i don't think i will ever be able to forget. I continue retching for a few minutes and struggle to force that image temporarily to the back of my mind. A few seconds later I feel a soft hand rubbing my back while the other is holding my hair back.

"I'm sorry San, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have shown you. I am disgusting I know."

Once I finally stop retching I stand up quickly ignoring my sudden head rush and pull Britt into me giving her the fiercest hug I have ever given.

"There is absolutely nothing disgusting about you, every part of you inside and out is beautiful." I whisper into her hair.

Britt holds me back just as tight. I pull away and give her a soft smile before quickly grabbing my toothbrush and giving my mouth a quick clean. Brittany just stands there patiently waiting with her arms wrapped around herself.

"Come on lets go lay down some more." I tell her and reach out for her hand leading her back to the bed.

We both automatically return to our previous positions before my weak stomach interrupted us.

"I don't know about you B, but I think we should take a break and get some sleep. Tonight has been exhausting." I tell her while I look at the clock on the nightstand and let out a groan when I seen its 4am.

"Will you sleep in here?" Britt asks while tightening her grip on my top.

"Of course, but one last thing B… I know you trust me and I am so grateful you feel able to talk open up about this with me. But I think you might need to talk to someone else like a professional maybe. They might be able to help you more because I don't know how much help I can be." I tell her hesitantly and hold her tighter to me afraid I might have pushed her too far too quick.

"You do help San so much." Britt is quick to reassure me. "But I don't know if I want somebody else to know how stupid I am."

"There is no pressure take your time. But you're not stupid Britt you were scared it's completely different. You were in a situation where you had no control, no power and you did what you had to do to survive." I tell her confidently.

There is no doubt in my mind that she isn't stupid and I will reassure her about that as many times as needs be until she starts to believe it. First thing tomorrow I am going to search for a decent therapist so I am as prepared as possible.

"San..."

I hum in acknowledgement.

"Did you mean it when you said you can reschedule tomorrow and stay home?" Britt meekly asks me.

"Of course Britt I will call work tomorrow and reschedule its no big deal and I will tell Rachel I'm busy with work or something."

Britt freezes at the mention of Rachel and pulls herself up looking at me with fear filled eyes.

"Shit, I didn't realise you were still in contact with people from Glee club. Does she know I'm here, nobody can know San, he will find me, shit, shit, shit." She rushes out.

"B stop!" I tell her firmly breaking her from her ramblings. "I haven't told anyone and I wouldn't tell anyone anything OK, it isn't my story to tell. I would never put you in danger like that. But what makes you think he would be able to find you?" I ask her trying to keep the fear out of my own voice.

I don't know what I would do if he ever found Britt and Daniella. What if I wasn't there to protect her? This is so much more serious than I had originally anticipated.

"He controlled everything San who I could and couldn't speak to, my phone, Facebook, everything. He knows all about my friends from Glee club, you my family and I am scared he will start contacting them to find me."

"Not that I'm not thankful you came here, but what makes you think he won't contact me then?"

"Because I knew you would never give my whereabouts to anyone you didn't know and you are the only person I feel protected with." She tells me with confidence.

"Damn right you're safe here, but if that's the case B shouldn't we be warning your other friends about him?"

"I don't know San I don't want them to know or see what I've become."

"Firstly we don't have to explain to them or give them any specifics. But we can talk about it more tomorrow OK, we can talk about everything more tomorrow. Secondly all you have become is a beautiful mother." I tell her slowly as sleep tries to take me under.

"Hey, San?"

"Yeah B?" I tell her on the brink of sleep.

"I'm super proud of you too you know. Your songs are awesome. I always knew you'd make it." She tells me and snuggles closer till we both drift of into a worry filled sleep.

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**AN: Hope this wasn't too graphic or upsetting for anybody.**

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	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Thanks to all PM's/Favs/Alerts you guys are awesome!**

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**Chapter 8:**

If somebody told me before my birthday this year I would have Britt back in my life with a baby no less. I would have told them to stop smoking their whacky backy. Yet here I am. It's been one week since that fateful day… One week of tears, fears and overwhelming sadness. One week of holding, loving and healing. One week of sleepless nights, baby sick and dirty diapers.

Without a doubt it has been the best week of my life.

Don't get me wrong Britt's problems haven't just been forgotten about. I have stayed in bed with her every night since she opened up to me and every night she wakes up crying. But the fear she wakes up with is gradually lessening. I haven't mentioned her seeking help again, I don't want to pressure her and push her further away when we have become so close. It's almost like we used to be, the old us, before the sex.

I remember yesterday Britt's and I were playing with Daniella on her play mat and I swear she smiled her first smile! But Britt was adamant it was wind if the giant burp that followed was anything to go by, still I adamantly believe it was a smile.

"Earth to Santana!"

Blinking I look at Rachel with a scowl, how rude distracting me from my happy thoughts.

"What?" I snap at her.

"Where were you just then, you had a sappy smile on your face and your eyes were glazed over." She questions me curiously.

"I was daydreaming how awesome it would be if we weren't friends and I wouldn't have to sit here pretending to be interested in your life." I tell her casually.

"Well if this is you pretending, I think you should seriously work on your acting skills because you're not very believable."

I just glare at her in response. Unfortunately though, my glare seems to have lost its power on her over the years because she just glares back until we both just break out into laughter.

"Seriously though Santana, what is up with you? Nobody hears from you for a week and now I finally managed to meet you, you're not really here." A look of realization crosses her face and she squeals excitedly "Have you met someone?"

"What no, why would you think that?"

"You just seem, really happy and have this sparkle in your eye. There's definitely something you aren't telling me."

Damn hobbit and her ability to read me, her skills are almost as good as my Mexican third eye. If the person I was currently hiding was anyone other than Brittany, I wouldn't hesitate in telling Rachel the truth. But that isn't the case, it is Brittany and she has always been my kryptonite, the one person who has meant more to me than anyone else in this world. The person I would do absolutely anything for. Plus it's not like it's a bad lie it is definitely a good lie, a lie to keep her safe. Like I promised her I would and I am never going to break that promise.

"Things are going well at work, and I had a relaxing birthday so I feel pretty good." I tell her with a smile.

She looks at me a little longer trying to see if I am lying, eventually she must buy my little lie because she quickly changes the subject.

"Something really weird happened the other day." She tells me cautiously.

I just nod for her to continue. But she hesitates and I can see she isn't sure whether she should.

"Spit it out hobbit I'm a big girl I'm sure I can handle it."

"I got a phone call of this guy…He was looking for Brittany." She tells me and I can hear the confusion in her voice.

My blood runs cold and I can feel the color drain from my face. Quick to react though I put on my neutral face and try to pretend that I am not suddenly overwhelmed with the need to run to my apartment to check on my girls.

"That is weird, what did he say?" I ask trying hard to keep the fear out of my voice.

"He said he was her room mate and she hasn't been home in a few days so he was calling around her friends to see if she was OK because he was worried." She tells me with a shrug.

"What did you tell him?" I question her.

"The truth I haven't seen or heard from Brittany in 4years." She tells me calmly.

"Did he say anything else?" I ask her trying to not show how affected I am by this information.

"Nope that was about everything."

I just nod to show I heard. I wonder who else he has tried to contact. It isn't too much of a big deal now that I think about it even if he has contacted other members of the glee club. Britt was pretty adamant about not having been in touch with anyone else because he wouldn't let her. So I am the only one who knows of her whereabouts and there is no way anyone is getting that information out of me.

_Over my dead body._

"Why are you not more shocked?"

"Uhm, what?"

"I don't know maybe this is the first time since she left for college that I have mentioned her name without you biting my head off." She tells me sarcastically.

She has a point when Britt left for college I was inconsolable and banned everyone from mentioning her.

"It's been four years like you said yourself berry. I got over it." I tell her in my most convincing voice.

_Lies, lies, lies. _

I can tell she doesn't believe me but she at least has the decency to let it drop. We spend another half an hour talking well Rachel is talking and I'm pretending to listen when really I'm counting down the minutes until I can go home and make sure Britt and Daniella are OK. Eventually Rachel leaves telling me she needs to get to rehearsal. We say our goodbye's and I go up to the coffee shop counter order Britt a hot chocolate with extra cream and walk home as quickly as I can.

"Britt!?" I call out as soon as I enter the apartment. "Britt where are you?"

"In the kitchen." Britt calls back.

The relief that enters my body is definitely welcome and I can feel the tension leave my shoulders at hearing her soothing voice. I walk quickly to the kitchen and smile at the site of Britt cooking. I approach her slowly waiting for her to turn around and as soon as she does I hug her tightly careful not to spill her hot chocolate.

"Hey to you too," she giggles out. "Anyone would have thought you missed me."

"I did and to show how much I brought you a hot chocolate with extra cream." I tell her as I pull away and hand it her with a wink.

"Thanks San!" She tells me happily and turns around to carry on cooking.

"What you making, it smells good."

"Your favorite pasta."

"Awesome I'm starved, where's Daniella?"

"Asleep in her bed but she should be waking up soon. Do you want to go grab her for me?"

"Of course!" I reply instantly and basically run to grab my favorite little girl.

I can hear Brittany laughing at my enthusiasm, but I don't care this little girl would have anyone wrapped around her tiny fingers.

I open the door to my room as quietly as I can. Tip toeing over to her bed, carefully trying to not make any noise. I have seen Friends I know what happens when you wake a sleeping baby! Luckily she is already awake and gurgling to herself her bright eyes looking up at the ceiling.

"Hey beautiful baby girl, did you have a nice nap. I bet you're hungry aren't you? How about we change your diaper and then we go and see if Mama is ready to give you your tea?" I coo happily.

Taking the gargle I receive in response as a yes I gently pick her up. Quickly changing her, I can now say I have it down to a fine art, no gagging and I'm pretty sure I could compete for the world record of holding your breath the longest. Once I finish I give her a little kiss on the nose and carry her out to the kitchen.

"Hey B, she is awake, clean and probably hungry."

"Well your tea is ready so take a seat and I'll feed her." Britt replies and leans over to grab her off me.

Sighing happily I start to dig in. We have a little routine where we share a plate between us, this way we are all eating together. I have found this way doesn't overwhelm Britt as much if she is sharing the food with me instead of having a full plate to herself. Once we have finished and B is burping Daniella I clean up and suddenly get hit with a feeling of contentment at how domestic this all is. It feels like this is how it should have been all along me Britt and Daniella.

Unfortunately the contentment doesn't last very long as my mind thinks back to what Rachel told me about the guy calling about Britt. There is no doubt in my mind that it was Joel. It makes my blood boil the nerve of him, lying to my friends to try and find her. I wonder when my turn will undoubtedly come and if I should be more prepared. It would have to be one hell of an act to pretend I don't know where Britt is and who he is. Snixx would have to show some serious restraint.

"Hey."

Jumping at Britt's words, completely lost in my thoughts, I didn't even feel her approach me.

"Hey." I quietly reply.

"How was coffee with Rachel?"

"Oh you know the usual, all me, myself and I with her, some drama with her understudy attempting to give her acting advice." I tell her with an accompanied eye roll.

Britt just giggles in response and blows a raspberry on Daniella's cheek.

"Well Ella and I missed you."

"Ella?" I question.

"Yeah Daniella is too much of a mouthful don't you think? Daniella Marie Pierce is probably only for when she is in trouble, doing something Santana like."

"Hey!" I protest. "I was a very well behaved child… When I had to be."

"San how can you even lie to me, I remember we basically lived indoors because you were always grounded and you used to throw a fit if I wasn't aloud to be grounded with you."

I just tut and roll my eyes in response pretending I don't know what she's talking about. While I'm trying desperately not to let the happiness take root, when Britt talks so confidently about me being there while Ella grows up. Britt just laughs in response and continues to blow raspberries all over Ella.

"Ella is nice I like it." I agree with her.

After the kitchen is cleaned Britt takes Ella to bathe her and I change in to my comfies relaxing on the sofa waiting for them to come back. Eventually she comes back out and hands me Ella while she goes to get changed. Again the domesticity of our routine touches my heart and I pray to all the gods that things don't change.

"Hey beautiful you smell so good, I could just eat you up." I tell her while I nuzzle her cheek. "You are definitely rocking your duck onesie. Are you going to be the most awesome baby in the world and sleep tonight so your mama and I can get some rest too?" I ask her hopefully.

"Doubtful," Britt interrupts as she comes back in to the lounge and falls on to the sofa with a sigh.

"Is everything Ok?"

"Yeah, just a bit tired and fed up of having no money." She tells me honestly.

"Well aren't you entitled to some kind of welfare?"

"I don't know, maybe? But I probably need proof of address and I don't have that."

"Yeah but what if we explained your circumstances, I'm sure there is a way around that, do you have any identification?" I question.

"Yup I have my passport and drivers licence. There in the bottom of the rucksack somewhere."

Quickly I pull up the internet on my phone and do a quick search of how to claim welfare for single parents.

"Well it says here you need to print of the forms and fill them out. So tomorrow we can go to the library and print them off get the ball rolling if you want?" I suggest eager to please her.

"Yeah can't hurt to try and it will be nice to have some money of my own. I hate having to depend on you." She tells me, the dejection evident in her voice.

"Being dependent on someone and needing help are two completely different things. You aren't taking advantage or being a burden. I know as soon as all of this is sorted out you will insist on paying me back." I state truthfully.

We spend the next hour just fussing over Ella and making small talk until it's time to put her to bed. I give her a big sloppy kiss on her cheek and wish her sweet dreams before handing her over to Britt.

Flicking through the TV trying to find something to watch my hand freezes when I see hoarders is on.

_Score._

A few minutes later Britt's sat next to me and I automatically raise my arm so she can cuddle in to my side.

"Are you ready to watch some crazy hoarders?" I ask excitement oozing out of my voice.

"You're such a geek San!" She laughs out.

I gasp in mock offence before quickly responding "I think you will find the people who hoard are the geeks."

"Sure San whatever you say." She placates me and snuggles closer.

I just huff in frustration and completely negate my fake frustration by pulling her closer to me.

After the end of the hoarder's episode I look at Brittany in shock as that may have been the strangest one yet. Britt looks at me and her eyes silently agree with me. Both of us sit there speechless for a few minutes.

"Rats…" I eventually mumble out. "The guy was hoarding rats."

"Grosse." She responds in her classic Brittany style.

I just nod my head in agreement completely put off hoarders for the time being, maybe even permanently. I quickly change the channel to something a bit less disturbing. I settle on some generic sitcom but I hear Brittany yawn next to me.

"Should we go to bed? I read on Wikipedia that when your baby is sleeping you are supposed to sleep as well." I state proudly.

"You and your Wikipedia." She tells me playfully. "But you are right I need to sleep, I'm exhausted." She exaggeratedly groans out.

"Go get in bed I will turn everything off." I inform her with a quick kiss to her head.

These affectionate actions don't cause B to flinch anymore and I take pride that she is starting to feel safe here. I quickly turn all the lights off and make sure the front door is locked properly before walking into the bedroom. I take a quick peak at a sleeping Daniella and then climb in next to B. I feel Britt shuffle behind me and put her arm over my waist pulling me closer, a few seconds later I fall into a blissful sleep.

In the morning after being awoken twice in the night to Daniella needing to be fed, I roll over as soon as I notice the absence of Britt's warmth. Sitting up I lean over to see if Daniella is asleep and realize she is missing too. I quickly get up panicking until I open the bedroom door and my senses are pleasantly invaded with the smell of coffee and pancakes.

I really need to get a hold of my fear that she is just going to up and leave. She is safe here she has no reason to want to leave, plus she actually hasn't given me any reason to make me believe she wants too. Its just I can't seem to shake this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that all this is too good to be true.

Quietly I walk to the kitchen and instantly a smile comes to my face when I see Britt sat down feeding her baby girl. I also really appreciate the pile of blueberry pancakes and coffee at the table ready for me to devour.

"Morning ladies." I mumble out trying to stifle my yawn.

"See how tired you have made Santana Ella with your late nights, you're lucky you're so cute else she would be going all Lima heights on you." Britt playfully admonishes Ella.

I just sit there tiredly sipping on my coffee appreciating the atmosphere and waiting for my brain to start functioning properly. Eventually I manage to share the pancakes with Britt and wake up.

Looking out the window I notice the grey skies and groan out my frustration. New York rain is horrible.

"Hey B what if I nip to the library and get the forms for you. We haven't got a pram for Ella yet or anything to protect her from the rain and I don't need my two favorite girls catching a cold."

"Are you sure? We can go another day?"

"Of course I will even get some children's books out we can read to her." I tell her completely happy with my genius plan.

"Oooh, get the hungry caterpillar, oh and green eggs and ham, no wait something with ducks!" Britt tells me bursting with excitement.

Laughing at her enthusiasm I just nod my head in agreement, before I quickly excuse myself to go get showered and dressed. The faster I leave the faster I will be back to spend a rainy day reading kids books and being silly.

_Sheer perfection._

An hour later I'm all set to leave wrapped up as if I'm heading to the North Pole, I don't want to be sick either. After at least ten goodbye kisses to Ella's cheeks and a quick one to Britt's I finally manage to pry myself away from them, with promises of duck filled children's books when I return.

Exiting the lift I head straight for the exit bracing myself for the rain, opening it quickly like ripping off a band aid I get barged out the way by someone entering.

"Excuse you!" I hiss out.

But I receive no response I just see the back of his head as he walks towards the lift ignoring me completely. Shrugging it off, I just head out into the rain.

* * *

**Brittany's POV:**

Sighing once Santana has left, I look to Daniella and try to not project the fear that is slowly creeping into me onto her.

"Don't worry little unicorn, Mummy is just being silly." I whisper.

We're safe here Santana would never let anything happen to us. Yet this irrational fear consumes me each time I am left on my own. Scared he will find me, scared he will hurt me but absolutely terrified he will take Daniella.

Breaking out of my thoughts I look back to her innocent face and notice her eyes drooping, a sure sign she is ready for her mid morning nap. Kissing her little button nose gently I carry her to bed whilst humming a little bit of _landslide_ to her. Staying by her side until she eventually drifts off, I quietly exit the room intent on cleaning the kitchen before San gets back.

I don't make it two steps before I hear a knock at the door, rolling my eyes I head to the front door San must have forgotten her keys, again.

My blood runs cold and I feel my breath leave my body because it's not Santana.

"Joel…" I manage to say my voice barely above a whisper.

"Hi babes are you going to invite me in?"

* * *

**AN: Don't hate me! How did you like this chapter? The next one will be carry on to be Britt's POV. **


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Possible trigger warnings.**

**I won't make you wait any longer...**

* * *

**Chapter 9:**

**Brittany's POV:**

_Shut the door! Shut the fucking door! Move, do something, anything._

But I can't my whole body is frozen with pure unadulterated fear. The fear feels ice cold and I can almost feel it slowly spreading throughout my body seizing my limbs. I can hear my conscious screaming at me but my body refuses to react.

His cold dull eyes are burning into me. Taking in a shuddering breath I realize I haven't inhaled any oxygen for a good minute or so. Breathing out slowly I try to steady the incessant shaking of my hands, and desperately try not to show how obviously terrified he makes me.

I need to keep him distracted until I regain the movement of my limbs. The need to keep him out of the apartment and the maternal instincts to keep Daniella safe are helping me keep a facade of calmness.

"W-what are you doing here?" I question, barely above a whisper enabling me to hide the tremors of fear that are threatening to be heard.

Flashes of anger fly across his eyes and I immediately know I said the wrong thing.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! _

I see it coming before he makes the break for the door and my limbs suddenly gain some form of movement, I guess my flight or fight response is finally kicking in. Throwing myself against the door quickly I try to keep him out. Surprising myself in the process, I have never tried to stop him before.

The door bounces back with force straight into my face. Blinding pain shoots across my face and tears immediately blur my eyes with the impact. Willing myself to ignore the pain that's quickly spreading, I push back hoping, praying Santana comes back soon.

"Brittany, you better stop this shit and start behaving. Else I am going to have to teach you a very important lesson." He spits out venomously.

I don't have the energy to respond all of my focus is on trying to close the door.

_He can't get in._

My arms and legs are starting to shake from the exertion but I keep fighting. Its not about me anymore, I don't matter, I have to keep Daniella safe.

_She is everything._

But my attempts are in vain, he's too strong for me. He pushes harder and I can feel my feet slowly sliding backwards on the laminate flooring. The slippers on my feet providing no grip as they continue slipping inch by inch.

Quickly turning around I use my back instead of my arms. Raising my right hand quickly I try to clear my vision from my right eye, pulling my hand away quickly I see it's not tears blurring my vision but blood. Swallowing the bile that's quickly rising I push back harder and scan the hallway looking for something that will help me. My search is cut short and I let out a scream when I feel his hand reach through the slight gap and grip my hair. Automatically my hands pull away from the door, grabbing him trying to get him off my hair. He just grips harder and with a force I didn't know he possessed he pulls my head against the door, hard. Ringing echoes through my ears, as my head starts to spin and my arms drop limply to my sides.

He easily pushes the door open now, without loosening his grip on my hair. Once he's through the door he tightens his grip and I allow myself to be dragged down the hallway. My body is too dazed to fight back. I'd almost forgotten how strong he is when he grips my hair with both hands and literally throws me into the coffee table, like I weigh nothing. Air is forced out of my lungs from the impact and I gasp quickly trying to get the lost air back.

Over my shallow gasps I can hear him laughing at me.

"Did you really think you could hide from me? How could you even think I wouldn't come looking for you here? That slutty dyke was all you ever talked about. You are so stupidly predictable."

He Seals his confession by delivering a swift kick to my ribs. He seems set on not letting me catch my breath.

Bending down he grabs me by the hair so he is face to face with me.

"You really think I would let you leave and with my baby?" He screams at me, spittle landing all over my face, "As if I want some dirty dyke touching my baby."

He just throws me back to the floor, before he starts moving away. Taking quick breaths I struggle to re-inflate my lungs. Eventually I manage to inhale some air and it is so welcome, the tightness in my chest lessens and I slowly feel the oxygen reaching my muscles. With the little strength I have gained I lift my head up looking for him.

Eyes scanning the lounge, they focus on him heading to Santana's room.

Adrenaline surges through my body and I unsteadily climb to my feet. Quickly I run across the room and jump on to his back, and start clawing at his face. He lets out a loud scream trying to shake me off his back. But I dig in deeper and hold on for dear life, for Daniella's life.

"Get off me you crazy bitch!"

Ignoring his shouts I just continue to claw at any part of his skin I can reach to stop him getting into that room. He turns around quickly and forcefully backs up against the wall but I refuse to loosen my grip, even though the air is being knocked out of me again. That is until he moves forward and repeats the move with a lot more power, head banging off the solid wall my grip loosens and I slump down into a sitting position against the wall.

What I hear next sends chills through my whole body.

"Now I'm going to kill you."

_I never envisioned how I would die. But being killed by an abusive ex boyfriend would definitely not have been the way I would want to go, if I had a choice. Growing old with Santana, is how I pictured my life and this past week I had almost let myself begin to hope everything was going to be alright. Tears silently escape my eyes as I think of Daniella, and the fact I won't get to see her grow up, her first word, first steps, and her first everything. But never having the chance to watch Santana, go all Lima heights on her prospective partners. How she will try to discipline her and cave as soon Daniella produces the infamous Pierce pout. Those are what I wanted to see, what I dared dream would become a reality. So many missed chances and so much time wasted, all leading to this final moment. _

I see his blurred silhouette bend down in front of me and his breath against my ear as he slowly leans in.

"Don't worry about the baby, I'll take real good care of her." He whispers mockingly.

Before I feel his hand wrap around my throat.

"Get the fuck away from her."

I would know that voice anywhere. I slowly exhale as I feel his hand pull away from my throat. Her voice is so welcome and I let it wash over me soothing my wounds temporarily.

_She's here I'm safe. _

I'm not too sure what was said between Santana and Joel for the next few minutes my head was still ringing. But the tear's blocking the vision in my left eye was clearing and I could see Joel approaching Santana. She just stood there a picture of strength arms crossed eyebrow raised defiantly. You would just think it was her HBIC pose if you couldn't see the anger blazing in her eyes.

Santana's arms have dropped to her side and I see her left hand twitch slightly like it wants to reach out for something. Looking to her side I see her umbrella placed against the wall. One of those old fashioned ones with the solid wooden handle.

"You should leave, the police are already on there way." She tells him, whilst taking a small step to the left.

Joel however seems to notice her movement. He just laughs shaking his head at her in response and practically runs at her. Santana's eyes widen slightly and she quickly tries to grab the umbrella before Joel reaches her. She just about manages to grab it but Joel is upon her quicker than she anticipated.

Everything that happened next was a blur, and the next thing my brain was capable of processing was Joel hitting Santana with the umbrella. All I can do is watch as she falls to the floor heavily.

Anger. All of that repressed anger I have ignored begins to flood my veins, kick starting my brain in to gear. Anger from every time somebody called me stupid, or put me down. Huge waves of anger from the past 4 years, letting myself become a victim, but mostly anger at him for hurting my Santana.

Embracing the new feeling I stand up slowly, the anger masking any pain I should be feeling. Watching Joel I see him bending over a motionless Santana and whisper something in her ear before swinging the umbrella back, for what he intends to be the final blow.

Running across the lounge he turns slightly, hearing me approach but I don't stop I just run straight through him and rugby tackle him to the ground. I don't stop there though I land punch after punch to any part of his face I can reach. Screaming incomprehensible words at him and unleashing a lifetimes worth of rage on him.

Suddenly someone is dragging me off him and pinning my arms by my sides.

"Get the fuck off me!" I scream out forcefully, trying to get free.

"Ma'am calm down, were the police." A stern voice reassures me.

Those words wash over me and I slump into his arms in relief. But the relief doesn't last long when I remember San.

"Santana! let me go please I need to get to Santana and my baby." I beg the officer.

"The paramedics are on their way Miss, where's your baby. Calm down and we can go get your baby." He whispers trying to force his calmness over me.

Eventually after taking a few breaths, trying to ignore the pain in my chest I manage to calm down. The trip to getting Daniella who thankfully seemed to have slept through it all, and getting in the ambulance all happened so fast. I didn't even see them take Joel away.

The next thing I know is I am sat in a room in a chair holding Daniella as close as possible whilst I get checked over by a doctor. Luckily the only serious damage is a few stitches to the cut over my right eye, a slightly bruised abdomen and a massive headache.

"Can I go now please, I need to go see Santana, is she OK?" I plead with the doctor.

Without even waiting for his response I quickly stand up and take a second waiting for the head rush to pass. Thanking the doctor I leave the room and head two doors down to where Santana was, before they asked me to leave and get myself checked out.

Carefully opening the door to her room I hold my breath, scared to disrupt the eery atmosphere. Tears automatically fill my eyes when I see her just lay on the bed eyes closed, and a massive white bandage wrapped around her head. The only noise disrupting the silence is the steady beeping coming from her heart rate monitor, its strangely comforting. Taking a quick glance I see a chair and with one arm I slowly drag it over to San's bedside. Sitting down I look Daniella over, and I am so thankful that my girls are still here.

It's a weird sensation willingly putting yourself in harms way to protect those closest to you. Completely open to sacrificing your own life to make sure your loved ones still have a chance at life. I did it because of the unconditional love I feel towards my two girls.

The sad fact of the matter is if only I loved myself enough all of this could have been prevented. Someone who loves themselves wouldn't have succumbed to the abuse Joel delivered. But when people are forever making fun of you, continuously dismissing you and telling you how stupid you are, it is really hard to not believe it. Makes sense how it was so easy for Joel to control me, people before him had already put in the ground work to demolish my self esteem. He just sealed my belief with a swift blow to the head. Once you believe you aren't worth anything you seem to lose your will to fight. Santana was the only person who ever believed in me, who ever made me feel like I was worth something. But even that wasn't enough to make me feel like I was good enough for her… I had no right to fight for her. She was so brave, strong and independent. Everything I wasn't, I couldn't even graduate high school. Who was I to stop her from living her dreams and becoming the amazing woman I knew she could be. I guess I got what I deserved in the end. A man who treated me exactly how I felt, worthless.

Sat here though looking at the sound asleep baby in my arms, I feel like I don't want to be that kind of person. Daniella deserves the best version of me, whoever that might be. Santana is right I definitely need some help, to become someone they can both be proud off. Someone they deserve. I don't think I would be able to handle it if Daniella didn't value herself, she is so, so special and I vow to never let a day go by where she doesn't know that. The same goes for Santana, I have some serious making up to do to this amazing woman. I want to be everything she deserves and more.

"Excuse me Miss, are you OK?"

Snapping my head up I see a nurse stood at the end of the bed looking at me with concern etched across her face.

"Uhm, uh, yeah sorry, I didn't hear you come in." I quietly respond, whilst trying to wipe away the tears that have accumulated on my face.

"She's going to be OK, the doctor said she should be waking up anytime."

Her gentle reassurance is soothing.

"I know she's a fighter."

"Do you want me to see, if we have a spare crib for your baby? I have a feeling you aren't going to be leaving anytime soon." She asks me her voice laced with kindness.

"That would be great thank you and uh you don't think you could find any spare diapers? Its just we left in the ambulance in such a hurry…" I trail off trying to get the horrible images out of my mind.

"No problem. I will see what we have and I will be back soon." She finishes her sentence and gives me one last smile before quietly leaving us alone.

Daniella starts to fuss quietly, it's definitely well past her feeding time. Smiling down at her I use my spare hand to gently lift my top and let her start to feed. It's a unique feeling having a baby be so dependent on you for everything.

I try and swallow the lump that has developed in my throat when I think I was willing to starve myself to stay thin, instead of being strong and healthy for Daniella.

A knock on the door prevents me from going down that negative thought path. Turning my head slightly I offer a small smile at the nurse entering with a crib, filled with a few diapers, wipes and blankets.

"Thank you so much."

She doesn't respond just offers me a smile and leaves.

Finishing off Daniella's feed I gently wind her and quickly changer her dirty diaper. I'm definitely not as talented as Santana in the diaper changing department, she seriously has it down to a fine art! Gently I place a few kisses to her cheeks and nose before laying her down in the crib and letting her get some more sleep. I watch her sleep for a few moments before I leave her at the end of San's bed and go back to sit by Santana's side.

"Mph"

My head snaps up quickly almost getting whiplash as I turn to look at Santana.

"San? Its me, can you hear me?" I ask her hopefully.

"Britt?"

"San I'm here sweetie, its OK." My voice affected by the tears of happiness leaking out of my eyes.

Suddenly her eyes spring open and all I can see is brown eyes filled with fear.

"Britt! Are you OK, where's Ella, is she OK, Britt I'm so sorry! So sorry I wasn't there. I promised I woul- umph"

I cut Santana's panicking ramblings off with a fierce kiss, trying to pour all of the emotion I feel for her into that one kiss. The kiss doesn't last long, but I think it said everything I needed it to say.

Gently pulling away I watch her carefully as her eyes flutter open. The fear is gone and the softness that makes my knees go weak has replaced it.

"Hi." I whisper "I'm OK, Ella is OK, you just get some rest."

Slowly I raise my hand and delicately cup her cheek, trying to prevent anymore of my tears falling.

"We're OK thanks to you San, all thanks to you. Now close your eyes and get some more rest. We will both be here when you wake up. I promise." I seal my promise with a soft kiss to her forehead.

* * *

**AN: OK, first huge thanks for the response for the previous chapter! You guys are awesome! **

**Second I was really unsure about this chapter... Did it meet your expectations?**

**Third the song Warrior- by demi lovato reminds me of this chap u should check it out. **

**Finally i have joined tumblr! Not that i know what that means haha. ruby-may89 . tumblr . com :)**


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